Have you ever looked at the way things are and wished they were something else? As a One on the Enneagram (someone who is enamored with the notion of perfection), I have that experience many times a day.
In A Hidden Wholeness, author Parker Palmer defines a tragic gap as “a gap between the way things are and the way we know they might be.” Stop for a moment and reflect on your world: how many tragic gaps can you think of in 60 seconds? This might be a fun party game if the subject weren’t so frustrating. Sadly, Palmer goes on to state the tragic gap never has been and never will be closed. That seems pretty hopeless. How are we to find peace?
Palmer calls for us to stand in the tragic gap, not deny it or run from it. When we are willing to stand in the tension between the reality and the possibility we allow a third way to emerge. Humans aren’t fond of tension, however, so this won’t be easy. We need to resist criticizing reality or fantasizing about what could be. When we stand in the gap, we can get a clearer look at both sides. If our first choice of possibilities is not an option, what is, given the current reality?
I saw lots of standing in the gap when I lived in Arizona. I volunteered at women’s prison in Perryville, helping prepare inmates for their release. The job search process isn’t fun for anyone, and it’s especially intimidating for people with a criminal record. No matter how skilled and reformed they may be, the reality is many jobs just won’t be open to them. Thankfully, many of these folks persevere in the tragic gap and succeed by choosing self-employment as the third way. For four examples to inspire you, read “Four people who turned prison stints into businesses.”
We have many opportunities to stand in the tragic gap today. I faced one this week with my birthday. We planned to spend the weekend celebrating at a BnB in Cambria, not the week isolated at home. My family and friends helped me create a third way, joining me for a virtual birthday party via Zoom that was great fun.
Be willing to stand in the gap. It may not be as tragic as it appears.