The title of this piece probably doesn’t surprise you, if you’re familiar with my work. Sane sex is all about waiting for emotional intimacy to develop before becoming physically intimate. I came to the conclusion that this was the best approach after watching countless examples of impatience not pay off. Similarly, impatience early in the game, at singles events, parties, etc., when we might meet someone special, rarely pays off either.
Early in my dating experience, I would go out with other single female friends. At first, we were all hopeful and we’d stay for a while to see how things unfolded. After several months, I noticed my friends becoming impatient and discouraged. Too often, they would make a hasty decision that no one interesting was going to come (or if he did, he wouldn’t notice her). They’d want to leave sooner than I did and usually after being there just a short while. Sometimes, they didn’t want to go out at all.
Eventually, I started going to singles events alone. I discovered that when I gave it enough time, it almost always paid off. I remember one singles mixer in particular. I arrived alone soon after it started. After a few minutes I met a man and we had a great conversation. He told me he was sorry couldn’t stay longer. I gave him my number and we agreed to get together the following week, which we did. After he left, the event was still in full swing. I stayed and mingled some more and met another gentleman who had just come in. We ended up exchanging numbers and seeing each other afterward, too.
Now as a speaker at singles venues, I see others make the same mistake my friends did. They come in, stand to the side watching everyone, and leave after 20 minutes. How do they know who will appear later in the evening? It’s sad to see people miss out because they didn’t give the event a fair shot. Hopefully this doesn’t sound like anyone you know!