Because giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin, there is a natural alignment that occurs between giving and receiving. Givers receive the joy of having helped another person and receivers give the giver the opportunity to be blessed by giving. So how do these get out of alignment? One way is when we resist alternating roles, as appropriate. If we always insist on being the one doing the giving, as many do, then we never experience what it’s like to receive. More than that, at times we miss out on receiving what we need, since we cannot possibly meet all our needs ourselves.
How can you tell if your giving and receiving are out of alignment? These may be some indications:
- Your needs are not being met
- You experience burnout (a combination of excessive stress, tension, depression, anxiety, irritability, conflicts, anger, guilt and/or diminished satisfaction with life)
- Opportunities stop presenting themselves
- People over-rely on you, repeatedly asking you do things they could do for themselves
- Performing acts of service no longer brings you the joy it once did
- You resent what others have or get
- People close to you no longer go out of their way to help you
- Invitations stop coming
If you find yourself experiencing one or more of these events, please don’t start chastising yourself. The vast majority of times, people’s actions are well-intentioned (yours, too). Instead, gently ask yourself if you’ve frequently overlooked or turned down chances to either give or receive. Ask someone who knows you well for feedback. Raising your awareness is the first step to restoring alignment and achieving the balance in giving and receiving that works so well.