The Ripple Effect of Resisting

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Nurturing Yourself - Wellness

It may seem that when we resist receiving, we’re the only ones affected.  But not so – the wanna be giver is denied the opportunity to give, so they don’t receive the good feelings people get when they give.  But that’s not the whole story.  Often our resistance affects others.  Have you ever watched people argue over who should get the check at a restaurant?  The meal ends and the server appears with the bill.   Two people start bickering, insisting that they will be the one to pick up the check for the party.  If one of them doesn’t realize that by allowing the other person to pay they’re actually giving, the argument can go on and on.  Meanwhile, the poor server stands there awkwardly, unsure who to give the check to, and the rest of party starts to squirm.

Now if some occasional awkward moments were the only problem, I wouldn’t be so concerned.  The problem is that when people don’t do their share of receiving, they could literally be putting themselves in jeopardy.  Do you know of someone who has given all her life?  She’s the first to volunteer, always bringing somebody a meal or watching their kids.  Non-profits, the PTA, religious organizations — you name it, she’s there – always the one doing the giving.  Then out of nowhere, seemingly, she’s brought down by the diagnosis, an accident, or some other misfortune.

Observers mistake this for some warped punishment, but that’s skewed thinking.  The Universe is not punishing her; it’s restoring balance. My research on giving and receiving confirmed this.  People told me repeatedly how they resisted receiving until they forced to accept help, due to a devastating illness or injury.  Once they learned how to receive, they found life easier and more enjoyable for all parties, as they finally discovered that allowing others to give to them was a blessing for both of them.

 If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ll remember that there needs to be equality between giving and receiving for the whole process work.  Take a look at the balance of giving and receiving in your life and even the score if necessary.  Life will get easier for all of us.

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Joanne Deck

Joanne M. Deck, MBA, SPHR is a certified academic and career coach, educator, public speaker, and author with expertise in higher education, careers, and healthy dating relationships. She has over 20 years of corporate experience as an instructor and tutor, leadership coach, human resources director, wellness and management consultant, and customer service manager and is active with Toastmasters, having achieved the levels of ACS and ALB. Joanne is also the author of Sane Sex for Singles, a three-time winning dating guide for the new millennium. Joanne was born in Rochester, NY and graduated from the University at Albany, NY with a degree in math and an MBA in human resources. She is the mother of young adult twin daughters and lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her husband, Roger. Joanne is currently working on her next book, Learning to Receive with Grace and Ease, aimed at helping people become more comfortable and skillful receivers. Her observation is that most people have the giving side of the equation down, but struggle with receiving.

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