I firmly believe that sane sex happens in the context of an exclusive, loving relationship. But not all exclusive relationships are the same. Some are exclusive by chance rather than by choice or commitment. The difference between these two is like the alternative to build your house on sand or solid ground.
When we are exclusive by choice, we’ve made a commitment. We’ve agreed that if given the chance to be with another, we’d decline and remain involved with our chosen partner. To be exclusive by chance means that no commitment has been made; we’re seeing only our partner because no one better has come along. There’s no stability in this relationship; things can change in a moment. Typically the couple hasn’t discussed the issue of exclusivity, and this is where misunderstandings often occur. One party assumes a commitment has been made while the other is just exclusive by chance. Sadly, some people knowingly avoid the conversation, hoping that the other person will be exclusive while they themselves retain their freedom.
I know these discussions aren’t easy to have, but have them anyway. Your emotional well-being and heart are too precious to endanger by making assumptions and avoiding facing facts. You cannot be committed enough for both of you. Being exclusive by choice takes a dual commitment.