“Young women in particular seem to feel that they have to do what is expected of them.” Shmuley Boteach, author of Kosher Sex
Rabbi Boteach made this observation in 2000, and I still see evidence of its validity today – and not just from younger women. Single women of all ages comment that the impression they have is that dating is about having sex. What’s up with that?
I know society has become less formal over the years, and that’s okay. Even I laugh at the thought of Ward Cleaver wearing a tie to a baseball game. (Ward was the Beaver’s dad on Leave it to Beaver, for those too young to remember.) But does that mean we have to move to the opposite extreme and engage in the most physically intimate behavior we can, short of giving birth, just because it’s our third date? Would you feel comfortable sharing your most intimate secrets with someone that you’ve only spent time with three times? I doubt it. So why would it be acceptable to share your body intimately with that person? Is your body less sacred than the rest of you? Ask anyone who’s recovered from a major disease or accident and I suspect you’ll get new perspective on what a treasure your body is.
Having sex should never be an obligation or something we submit to because it’s expected of us or so we’ll get asked out again. It is possible to commit to having only sane sex, which is when emotional and physical intimacy develop at the same pace, in the context of an exclusive, loving relationship. It’s the best way I know of to date, and you’re worth the best.