Think Before You Text!

I’m amazed at the prevalence of texting reported by my dating coaching clients.  Breaking up, arguing, or handling any sensitive matters are not appropriate or effective uses of text messaging, regardless of your age.  Just as we have commonly understood rules of etiquette for email messages, such as using all caps is unacceptable (equivalent to shouting), I propose that we adopt guidelines for selecting our means of communication, considering the variables listed across the top row of the table below.

Texting (or use of a third party) is fine for short, simple messages that are not sensitive and do not require dialogue for the message to be accepted.  Written communication is ideal for detailed or complex messages provided the content is not overly sensitive.  Face to face works for all types of messages because it incorporates both verbal and non-verbal communication and makes it easier to clear up any misunderstanding or lack of clarity.  It allows a dialogue to take place, facilitating a higher level of communication.   I know it takes more time and courage, but the end results are worth it.

When we need to talk it out or deliver a complex or difficult message, face to face communication is essential.  Please do not take the easy way out with a text message or, possibly worse, not communicating at all.  I advise my clients, should they receive such a text message, not to engage the other party.  Instead, suggest a time and place when you can sit down together.  What goes around really does come around.  Be the man or woman of integrity you believe yourself to be (and want to attract) and have a face to face conversation.  It’ll be a better planet if you do.

Method	Length of Message‘	Complexity of Message	Sensitivity of Message	Need for Dialogue
Texting	short	low	low	low
Email	short – medium	medium – high	low – medium	low – medium
Letter/Memo	all	all	low – medium	low
Phone call	short – medium	low – medium	low – medium*	medium – high
Face to face	all	all	all	all
Social media	short – medium	short – medium	low	low
Third-party	short	low	low	low

* We can use the phone for highly sensitive messages if face to face is not possible.

‘ Email and phone calls can be used for long messages if necessary, depending on the recipients’ preferences.