“It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” Luke 12:32
This verse is a favorite of many of my spiritual teachers, and it’s become one of mine, too. Why not? Who doesn’t like the idea of a generous Creator who delights in blessing us? What’s more, I’m told that these good things come to us freely, without condition and without the need to earn them first.
To illustrate the level of generosity that we’re offered we have the story of the prodigal son. Remember him? He left home, squandered his inheritance, and came back, humbled and ashamed, to throw himself on his father’s mercy. What did he find? Not only did his father respond with overwhelming generosity, his father was waiting for his return and ran down the road to welcome him home.
So why is it that at times we don’t find ourselves equally blessed? Why do our prayers appear to go unanswered? I’ve studied, pondered, and prayed over this question many times. I’ve concluded that I withhold from myself the blessings intended for me through my own unrealistic expectations and perfectionism. In short, it’s my lack of self compassion that blocks me from receiving. Declaring myself unworthy, I punish myself for my seeming failures and shortcomings.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I frequently find people to be much more generous and forgiving toward others than they are toward themselves. A quick search of “self compassion” on Amazon reveals page after page of books on the topic, confirming that authors agree.
Thankfully, I’m learning to see the difference between striving to be and do my best and expecting myself to be perfect. I spend a few minutes every day consciously feeling God’s love for me. Oh, I’ll continue to do the best I can, but because it serves the world, not to earn the blessings I desire.