“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ― Haruki Murakami
I’ve heard this quotation a number of times, and it always serves as a good wake-up call. Painful experiences do come our way while on planet earth, so it’s important to remember that oft-used phrase in Scripture, “now it came to pass…” How do we get through the pain without allowing it to turn into suffering? Choosing a new thought, as I explored earlier this month, can be effective I’ve learned.
Being in my fifties has been a surprising experience for me, and, to be honest, a painful one at times. It seems like lots has been written about the different stages of life, but I was not prepared for what my fifties have brought. I was told there would be physical changes – and there are. Some days I’m not sure whose body I’ve woken up in! I knew my parents would pass, and they have. I figured that would have a substantial impact on me, and I was right. What I didn’t put together ahead of time was that as their entire generation passed on, I was losing all of my significant family role models, mentors, and supporters. Now as my daughters transition into adulthood, it can feel as if I lost my teachers just when I need them the most.
When I dwell on the loss of my parents and the end of my sweet experience as the mother of twin girls (they are clearly young women now), I shift from pain to suffering. This is not good. Recently I realized that I needed a new thought. Last month, on my daughters’ 24th birthday, one came to me: Experiences end; they are not lost. Being mother to my miraculous, prematurely-born twin infants who grew into delightful little girls and then amazing older girls was pure joy. As they outgrew childhood, my experience of being the mother of children ended, and that of being the mother of adult children began. I still have and will always have my sweet memories of them as girls, just as I have the lessons and love of my parents and other family members. I see now that having Roger enter my life in daughters’ senior year of high school was no coincidence. Right on schedule, a new wonderful experience was just beginning for me. I know why they say that God’s timing is perfect!