Twice a year, I have the privilege of offering my wellness workshops to a group of women at Perryville State Prison. It’s a pleasure because they’re always so grateful and interested in what I have to offer, including my sane sex message. I can tell by their reactions that the idea they are worth the wait is foreign to many of them. Unfortunately many incarcerated women and men have grown up not knowing how amazing they are.
From what I experienced when I was dating and continue to hear about now, many people outside of prison lack this awareness, too! They suffer from low self esteem and will compromise themselves to avoid rejection. I’ve often said that about half the men I dated asked for sex on the second date and expected it on the third, and when it didn’t happen, they didn’t call me again. At first I took that personally, wondering what was wrong with me. Eventually I figured out that it wasn’t about me at all. I realized I was wrong to think they had rejected me, because after three dates they didn’t know me well enough to reject me. We just wanted different things, and they were not interested in really getting to know me.
I’ve decided that part of my mission is to help people appreciate their own worth because they will find it difficult to practice sane sex otherwise. We have to treasure ourselves before we can expect anyone else to treasure us. We need to know our true value to avoid being devastated when our date doesn’t call again because we wanted to become emotionally intimate first. This awareness doesn’t come easily, but it’s the truth and so worth the effort, so stay with me as I explore this further in the weeks ahead.