I’ve heard it said that most of us think the same thoughts over and over again. The problem is that often these are negative thoughts or memories that serve no constructive purpose. If this sounds familiar to you, here’s an exercise to try. Just as your computer has default settings, create for yourself default thoughts that you can turn to as needed.
Construct a two-column chart, listing in the left column the thoughts or memories you find yourself returning to that you’d like to let go of. If it’s a negative thought, identify the unpleasant memory behind it and write that down. For instance, “I’m such a klutz!” could be a recurring thought you have based on the time you tripped walking into a crowded room. So your list will be comprised of things you or someone else did that continue to make you feel bad. Next to each item, in the right column write down a specific example of something the individual did that was kind or positive. You might list “walked across the stage at graduation with my head held high” across from the tripping incident. The right column will be your default thoughts. Anytime you find yourself drifting back to an unpleasant memory, immediately substitute your default thought.
In reality, there are far more positive incidents than negative, although it’s the nasty memories that seem to linger. For instance, perhaps someone you’re close to did something uncharacteristically unkind. For some reason you find yourself mulling the incident over, replaying it as if eventually it will turn out differently. Because this is someone you care about, there are likely to be many wonderful things this person has done for you. Chose one that you’re especially grateful for as your default thought. Anytime you find yourself drifting back to the unpleasant memory, immediately substitute your default thought. Any feelings of hurt or resentment will be replaced with gratitude and love. Not only will you feel better, you’ll put yourself in a position to receive even more good.