You would think that with all the advances in healthcare over the past 50 years, we’d see much longer life spans, wouldn’t you? The problem is that changes in lifestyle are offsetting this progress. People are much less active today than they were 50 years ago due to labor-saving devices, desk jobs, electronics of every size, and 500 channel satellite packages. Then we have over-sized pantries and refrigerators to reduce the need to shop and remote controls that eliminate having to get off the couch to adjust the channel or fan. Put some of that saved time toward a physical activity you enjoy, and let’s live longer and healthier lives.
Do you know someone who makes you feel good about yourself? I recall a coworker who made me feel like a million bucks! Just what is it about the other person that makes you feel so good? In the case of my coworker, it was the sincere interest he had in me and his ability to express how he valued who I was and what I brought to the job. He was exceptional, though. I find many singles tend to compare themselves to others, hoping to see themselves as superior in some way, in an attempt to feel better about themselves.
I saw this tendency quite often in the men I dated. Sometimes it would be subtle. We’d be talking about our jobs and he’d react when I mentioned that my title was director or that I owned my own business. Some would want to know what sports I played and how athletic I was. Occasionally the fact that I drove a five-speed would throw a new acquaintance off course! In extreme cases, some men seemed to feel that they had to better than I was at everything that mattered to them – and the list was long: any sports-related skill, work, income, location of home, driving ability, and possessions. If they felt I excelled in any of these areas over them, the relationship was over.
These men were looking for someone who didn’t outshine them. It’s a tricky business to approach self esteem that way. Their partner’s light has to be bright enough to attract them, because they wouldn’t feel good being with a “dull light.” But if her light was too bright, it could outshine theirs. This is just an illusion though. Their lights are their lights. They only appear brighter or dimmer in comparison to someone else’s. This means that their self esteem is not based in reality and varies based on who they’re with.
Are you looking to be better than the person you date? I hope not, because competition does not enhance intimacy, and emotional intimacy is what sane sex is all about.
Singles events, such as mixers, hikes, and parties, are a great, low risk way to meet other singles interested in dating. On Saturday, February 4 I’ll be speaking at the semi-annual Calculated Couples Singles Fair at the Doubletree Resort in Scottsdale, AZ, so I thought this would an appropriate time to cover the basics of working the room.
Avoid sitting at a large table with five or more people, particularly at a dance. No one wants to be turned down in front of a crowd of people, so make it easy for people to approach you. It’s often successful to begin by seeking one or two people of the same gender to stand or sit with. Rather than getting involved in a deep conversation, keep it to small talk – and be positive. No one will be drawn to a negative conversation. Sit or stand so you face and observe the room, and be interested in your surroundings. Make it possible for people to come up to you and break into your conversation. If you see someone alone who looks approachable (or needs someone to talk to), this is your opportunity to approach him or her.
Finally, a great ice-breaker I’ve found for conversation is asking the other person if he’s attended other events the group has put on and what they were like. This can lead to information on how long he’s been dating, how much dating he does, and so forth. People love to be asked for their opinion, so this is usually a comfortable way to get the conversation started. For more tips on conversations, join me next week.
Do you know who George W. Culver was? I learned recently that in 1928 he was Congress’ first appointed doctor, serving for 38 years. I like his approach to wellness, his 10 Commandments of Health, because they’re based in moderation. Extreme approaches may work for a while, but they’re almost impossible to maintain, so I encourage moderation in almost all things.
Here are Culver’s 10 Commandments of Health:
- Eat wisely.
- Drink water plentifully.
- Eliminate thoroughly.
- Bathe cleanly. (Remember, it was 1928!)
- Exercise rationally.
- Accept inevitable; don’t worry.
- Play enthusiastically.
- Relax completely.
- Sleep sufficiently.
- Check up occasionally.
How do you fare on these? They are all areas I cover, so be sure to stay with me. As you go about making changes, take it one commandment at time. Keep in mind you can work on it gradually. For instance, rather than trying to sleep 45 minutes more each night, add ten minutes at a time until you reach 45 minutes. Once you’ve made a habit of your first goal, select another. It’s okay to start with the easier ones first. Success breeds success.
If you’d like help in any area, check out my website or give me a call. These 10 commandments are all about making lifestyle choices to help you look, feel, and be your very best!