“It is Better to Give than to Receive”

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

I know we’ve been taught all our lives that it’s better to give than to receive, but it’s just not so.  It doesn’t even make sense.  To say that it’s better to give than to receive suggests that people should do more giving than receiving.  How would that work?  In order for someone to give, there has to be someone to receive.  Every giver needs a receiver; otherwise, there is no giving.  The whole process breaks down.  If you’ve ever tried to give and had no one to receive what you offered, you know what I mean.  Givers and receivers are equally necessary.  Therefore, they are equally important, and to label one as better than the other just doesn’t make sense.

But there’s something more subtle to think about. When giving and receiving take place, each of the parties actually gives and each one receives. The process is mutual and simultaneous.  To get clear on this, consider the research I’ve done for my latest book.  I asked people why they give, and I got a variety of answers that all boiled down to the same thing: they give because it makes them feel good.  In other words, they give to receive good feelings.  And as long as there was someone to receive what they offered, they did receive those good feelings.  Now how about the receivers?  What did they give?  They gave the givers the opportunity to give.  In essence, it’s the receiver who gives the giver those good feelings. 

Angel 181x179My final argument is directed to the 84% of adult Americans that pray every week.  Studies show most people pray regardless of religion affiliation.  Have you considered how your prayers could possibly be answered if you refuse to receive?  Even God can’t give you what you will not accept! 

The truth is: “It’s not better to give than to receive,” and I’m not the first person to suggest this.  To quote the most quoted public speaker of all time, “It’s the Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”  Let’s make sure we’re willing to receive it!  

Borrow for Easier Receiving

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

Did you catch the excitement about 18 year-old Mikaela Shiffrin at the Sochi Olympic Games last month?  She became the youngest Olympic gold medalist in women’s slalom history due to her exceptional technical skills.  In a video piece about Shiffrin, she explained how she has spent hours studying the world’s top skiers, taking the best techniques from each one and molding them into her own style.  How wise for someone so young to recognize the value of learning from others while staying true to herself.

Expert at receiving her wishes

Expert at receiving her wishes

Similarly, I was struck by the way Inline skaters borrow in a different way using a technique called drafting.  According to About.com, drafting occurs when a skater stays very close behind the next skater ahead to reduce wind resistance, saving their energy during a race. Skating in the leader’s draft means the skaters that follow don’t have to work as hard.

If there’s something you’d like to receive, keep these athletes’ techniques in mind and find someone who is good at receiving.  Borrow their techniques and use their draft so that you, too, can receive with grace and ease.  For example, as I’ve mentioned earlier, I’m currently studying Wayne Dyer.  In Wishes Fulfilled, he explains that the more effectively we use imagination, and combine it with the feeling of having received our wish, the more quickly and easily our wishes will be fulfilled. This is a practice I’m happy to borrow: imagining something so pleasing that it makes me feel good.

The Logic of Creative Energy

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

Peaceful 276x390The same energy that initiates a desire creates its manifestation.  I wrote this conclusion down in my journal recently after reading Wayne Dyer’s observation that everything that exists began in someone’s imagination.  That’s a powerful thought: everything that you see around you was first created in someone’s mind.  Therefore, to obtain what we desire we need to see it in our mind’s eye first.  That’s where creation begins.  Ernest Holmes called this creating a mental equivalent.

Having accepted that, I recall that metaphysician H. Emilie Cady said that every desire we have originates with God, so its manifestation is guaranteed if we align with the creative energy – or God.  Since there is only one Power, one Source, one Energy, I am brought back to my original statement.  The same energy that creates a desire in my heart is the one that I can – and must – use to manifest it.

To really believe this I have to release the notion that I’m not capable of creating my desire or I’m not worthy of it – because these statements don’t make sense.  I had the energy (or power) within to create the desire, so I must have the power to produce it in physical form. 

It’s all very logical really.  So should you feel a bit shaky in your faith, have no fear.  Fall back on the logic of this argument: you had the power to desire something, so you have the power to create it.  How exciting is that?

Sweet Dreams

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

Wishes FulfilledI am rereading Wayne Dyer’s Wishes Fulfilled and loving it just as much the second time through.  One of my favorite suggestions Dr. Dyer offers is to fall asleep visualizing the wish you want to fulfill.  Replace all worry, doubt, undone tasks, and any other negative thoughts with a detailed picture of yourself experiencing your wish.  Most important, feel how you will feel, as if you already have it.  This is the critical piece – the feeling.  I’ve heard it before.  This time, I’m getting it – or should I say – I’m feeling it.

Receive to Feel Grateful

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

Hawaii CoastlineNeed another reason to give up your resistance to receive?  It’s hard to feel grateful when we’re unwilling to receive.  We’re more likely to feel discouraged, tired, and resentful.  When we graciously allow others to do something kind for us, it’s natural to feel cared for and thankful.  Showing these feelings to the giver blesses them in return, and now both parties are filled with gratitude.

Cultivating Gratitude

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

Cinni 342x366I could not resist focusing on gratitude as we celebrate Thanksgiving Day later this week.  The older I get, the more I realize how much I have to be grateful for.  Most of my mentors and loved ones from the generation before mine have passed on, and I regularly give thanks for all they did for me. Hopefully, you’re like me and have a long list of people to be grateful for.

But what about those times when for whatever reason we’re just not feeling thankful?  Do we just tough it out, waiting for the cloud of discontent to melt away?  I’ve found that there are things I can do that quickly make me realize how good things really are:


  • Although he’s passed now, remembering Christopher Reeve post-accident always helps me appreciate my body and stay motivated to exercise at my highest level.  While he was still alive, if I was trudging through my Jazzercise class, I would ask myself, “What would Christopher Reeve give to be standing beside me here?”
  • I volunteer regularly at Perryville Prison, and I’ve taught incarcerated students for Rio Salado College for years.  When is the last time you appreciated taking a long, hot, private shower or having access to virtually any fresh fruit or vegetable you want any time you want?
  • No matter how much I pray, I simply always have someone on my “cancer prayer list.”  No sooner does one person get the clear test result than one (or two) more get the new diagnosis.  If you are cancer-free, there’s a huge item for your gratitude list!
  • Go to your refrigerator, your closet, or your garage.  If you find food, clothes, and a vehicle, stop and give thanks!  Not at home?  What device are you carrying with you at the moment?

Really, what’s hard about gratitude, if there is anything difficult about it, is not finding things to be grateful for, but rather remembering to be grateful.  Let’s make every day Thanksgiving Day.

Clear Intention

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

I am an eternal light beam.

Today I read Patricia Kashare’s observations that when we select awareness of God over all else, there is no dilemma greater than God.  Therefore, we can release all concerns over to the Infinite Power (I like that expression!) knowing that circumstances can change in an instant.  Feeling into that for few moments prompted me to write the following thoughts that perhaps you can relate to:  I have less than I desire in my career and finances because I have settled for it.  I must accept without a shred of doubt that as God’s Beloved I am meant to have more. There is nothing standing in my way.

From there I crafted this statement of intent, just as Edwene Gaines, Wayne Dyer, and Terry McBride, among others, encourage us to do: My desire and intention is to nurture others using my talents and experience in a joyful way that prospers me.

Have you written a clear statement of what you’d like to receive?  I chose my words carefully, because they each add value and meaning:

  • Desire – my heart and emotions are engaged.
  • Intention – this incorporates my mind and my willingness to be what God leads me to be.
  • Nurture – I chose my business name, Nurture You, based on the definition of “nurture” – to enhance the development of something.  All of my work in the past dozen plus years has centered on nurturing others.
  • Talents – these include writing, speaking, teaching and coaching, abilities I have naturally and have been consciously developing over the years.
  • Experience – this draws in my work, training, and interests in wellness, human resources, education, business, fitness, customer service, and consulting.
  • Joyful – my new work feeds my heart and soul and makes me happy.  I look forward to going to work each day.
  • Prospers – I agree with Edwene Gaines’ definition of prosperity which includes finances, health, relationships, and playful work.  My new work enables me to live a balanced, healthy life.

I’ve posted my intention around my house and shared it with Roger.  Thanks for allowing me to share it with you!  If you have an intention you’d like me to hold for you, please let me know.  Let’s remember the power in two or more…

Do Something!

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

 ~ M. Scott Peck

Have you ever been lost in your car at an intersection, unsure which way to turn?  The light changes to green, and you’re forced to make a choice.  It really doesn’t matter which way you go.  It’ll be okay, because usually once you start moving it becomes clear from your surroundings if you’re headed in the right direction. If you’re not, all you need to do is turn around – problem solved.  It was your doing something, getting unstuck, that brought you the answer you sought.

If only we were provoked to change when faced with similar circumstances outside of our vehicles.  Too often when we need to receive something and don’t know what to do, we stay stuck in pain and unhappiness.  It isn’t until we absolutely can’t stand it any longer that we are compelled to do something, anything to affect a change.

There's Good in Store for Us!

There’s Good in Store for Us!

Sound familiar?  I think that’s where our country is with the Healthcare Reform Act.  The soaring cost of health insurance and healthcare and the high percentage of uninsured adults and children in America, of all places, finally became intolerable for most people.  I agree that we need to discover a better way (receive an answer), so I say bring it on – change that is.  Just like the intersection: if we’re making a wrong turn, it will become apparent and we’ll make another plan.  It’s the doing something, anything, which changes our perspective, enabling us to see a better option.

When you need a new plan, don’t wait for the pain to turn into suffering—do something!  Trust the Universe to applaud your courage and honor your intention.  There is good for you, me and our country, and we ought to have it!  As we get going, we will be guided and supported.  I can’t wait to see the good in store for us all!

Now It Came To Pass

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ― Haruki Murakami

I’ve heard this quotation a number of times, and it always serves as a good wake-up call.  Painful experiences do come our way while on planet earth, so it’s important to remember that oft-used phrase in Scripture, “now it came to pass…”  How do we get through the pain without allowing it to turn into suffering?  Choosing a new thought, as I explored earlier this month, can be effective I’ve learned.

Being in my fifties has been a surprising experience for me, and, to be honest, a painful one at times.  It seems like lots has been written about the different stages of life, but I was not prepared for what my fifties have brought.  I was told there would be physical changes – and there are.  Some days I’m not sure whose body I’ve woken up in!  I knew my parents would pass, and they have.  I figured that would have a substantial impact on me, and I was right.  What I didn’t put together ahead of time was that as their entire generation passed on, I was losing all of my significant family role models, mentors, and supporters.  Now as my daughters transition into adulthood, it can feel as if I lost my teachers just when I need them the most.

My family

My family, with Mom in the photo on the right

When I dwell on the loss of my parents and the end of my sweet experience as the mother of twin girls (they are clearly young women now), I shift from pain to suffering.  This is not good.  Recently I realized that I needed a new thought.  Last month, on my daughters’ 24th birthday, one came to me:  Experiences end; they are not lost.  Being mother to my miraculous, prematurely-born twin infants who grew into delightful little girls and then amazing older girls was pure joy.  As they outgrew childhood, my experience of being the mother of children ended, and that of being the mother of adult children began.  I still have and will always have my sweet memories of them as girls, just as I have the lessons and love of my parents and other family members.  I see now that having Roger enter my life in daughters’ senior year of high school was no coincidence.  Right on schedule, a new wonderful experience was just beginning for me.  I know why they say that God’s timing is perfect!


Think Your Way to a New Experience

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Learning To Receive

“This, too, is for me, and I demand to see the blessing in it.”

Emma Curtis Hopkins

Flower 364x353Things happen all the time that seem opposed to what we’d like to experience.  Naturally, our typical reactions may be frustration, disappointment, fear, or bewilderment.  Honing our critical thinking skills is an effective way to enhance our ability to receive the good intended for us. Let’s look at how we can think our way to a new and better experience of life.

The first step is to be aware of our thoughts.  What assumptions are we making?  What unpleasant feelings are we experiencing?  It’s important to have this awareness so that we know where we are and the thoughts we need to shift. 

The second step is to step back and observe the situation as objectively as possible.  You could see yourself at the end of your life looking back at this moment.  Ask yourself what other thoughts you could be holding about the situation.  Another approach is to consider what possible good or opportunity this situation might present.  Remember that your imagination is a powerful creative tool, so use it in your best interest!  Here are a couple of examples to get you started:

Your best friend moves away.  Acknowledge that your relationship will change, but it doesn’t have to end.  With today’s technology, you could Skype or FaceTime with your friend, possibly “seeing” each other more often than you do currently.  You’ll now have a friend in a new location, giving you someplace new to visit on vacation.  Finally, remember that the Universe abhors a void, so new people will come into your life, as you open yourself to them.

You have an accident. Avoid dwelling on “why me?”  See this as an opportunity to care for yourself and maybe get some needed rest.  Perhaps it’s a chance for someone to care for you.  Gently consider if the Universe is inviting you to pay closer attention or take your time.  If so, don’t beat yourself up; just give thanks for the feedback and make an agreement with yourself to get the lesson.  Pay attention to the new people who come into your life as a result of the accident.  Are you being led to a new career or relationship?  Maybe you’ll notice that you move through the entire experience with much more grace and ease that you did a similar incident twenty years ago.

Yes, there is good for us, and we ought to have it!