We’ve all had our painful relationships and dating missteps. Being cheated on or lied to is sadly not unusual. The important thing is to learn, vow to do things differently next time, and move on. One way to have a better outcome next time is to recognize any warning signs you overlooked.
Years ago I had a very painful end to a relationship with a man I thought was my forever-after man. The entire time we went out he was seeing someone else and lying to us both about it. While there was no excuse for his deception, I clearly missed the signs that something was amiss. One indication was that in four months of serious dating I never went to his house. He was living with his parents, something he did not want me to know. In addition, he would over-react to situations and suspect me of seeing someone else. There was inequality in the relationship: he could be absent for several days with a vague “I’ll be too busy” explanation, while he objected to my being unavailable for more than a day. Even when I learned of the other woman, he lied about their relationship, telling me she was his unbalanced cousin. Finally, now I see that his over-attentiveness throughout our time together was based in his fear that it wouldn’t last or that I would find him out.
It’s so important that we stay alert and in the moment. Don’t casually dismiss the concerns raised by your friends. Take time alone to reflect and process, and pay attention to what’s not being said. Remember that our inner knowing is often first expressed as physical discomfort of some sort, so listen to what your body is telling you.