Be Your Best

Written by Joanne Deck. Posted in Blog, Sane Sex for Singles

Singles frequently lament that they lack dates because they are overweight or aren’t attractive enough.  I can understand their reaching these conclusions based on the emphasis placed on appearance by the media.  Add to that how easy it is to edit a photo today, and the images of “perfection” we’re bombarded with can be overwhelming.  But take a good look around.  How many supermodels do you see?  Roger and I go to a well-attended singles dance every six months, and what we see there are nice looking men and women, not the images of perfection folks hold ourselves to.

Rollerblading 256x330Studies show that while people notice and are attracted to good looking people, they also find them intimidating. They fear being unable to measure up in the long run and worry that they will be left for someone better looking. People are much more likely to approach and attempt to forge a relationship with an average, pleasant looking individual than a movie star type.

I encourage my clients to focus on being their best in health, appearance, intellect, and attitude.  Here are some of my tips for staying healthy and positive, someone others will want to be around.

  • Stop dwelling on and talking about your ailments and illnesses, and don’t hang around people who make illness a hobby.  Sadly, I saw my wonderful parents obsess over their diagnoses, overlooking the many blessings they still retained.  I vowed to learn from this, and I encourage you to do the same. Focus on and give thanks every day for what you have that’s healthy.  If you left foot hurts, praise the right one!
  • Be as active as possible most days of the week, and strive to do more than just taking a walk, if you can.  Find something fun, such as Zumba or Jazzercise, and make friends in the class.  This will meet your physical need for activity and keep you engaged socially.  Many times it’s seeing their friends in class that keeps people coming.
  • Stop watching the news on television.  If you get the newspaper, just scan the headlines of the news sections. I’ve done this for years, and I promise you that you’ll hear the major news just being out in the world.  That’s all you need to know.
  • Regarding television and the movies and their impact on your frame of mind, I’ll repeat my rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t invite it into your home or life, don’t watch it.  This rule is simple to apply.  For example, do you want yellow crime scene tape around your house?  No, of course not, so don’t watch anything with CSI in the title.  Yes, this rule will eliminate 50% of television and most R rated movies, but your peace of mind will be greatly enhanced.  It will also give you time for the next tip.
  • Read every day.  To enhance learning, spend five to ten minutes writing about what you read, especially if it relates to a behavior change you’d like to make.  In addition to keeping your mind sharp, this practice will also give you something interesting to talk about since you’re no longer discussing your latest ache and pain.
  • Check out your community college for a surprising array of class subjects at an affordable price.  You never know who you’ll meet there, and this will enhance your mental acuity and conversation skills.
  • Practice moderation in eating and drinking.  It’s generally not healthy (and for most people not necessary) to eliminate entire food groups or adopt a boring diet.  Maintaining moderation in all things will enable you to stay well and enjoy going out to most restaurants, making you a more enjoyable date.
  • Trust reliable websites for your health information online, such as WebMD and  Get your routine exams and screenings to be healthy and catch any issues early. 

Finally, choose clothes that you feel good in and accessorize them with a confident smile.  That way you will look and be your very best, and that will be more than enough to face the world.

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Joanne Deck

Joanne M. Deck, MBA, SPHR is a certified academic and career coach, educator, public speaker, and author with expertise in higher education, careers, and healthy dating relationships. She has over 20 years of corporate experience as an instructor and tutor, leadership coach, human resources director, wellness and management consultant, and customer service manager and is active with Toastmasters, having achieved the levels of ACS and ALB. Joanne is also the author of Sane Sex for Singles, a three-time winning dating guide for the new millennium. Joanne was born in Rochester, NY and graduated from the University at Albany, NY with a degree in math and an MBA in human resources. She is the mother of young adult twin daughters and lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her husband, Roger. Joanne is currently working on her next book, Learning to Receive with Grace and Ease, aimed at helping people become more comfortable and skillful receivers. Her observation is that most people have the giving side of the equation down, but struggle with receiving.

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